Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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