I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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