i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize