is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
