there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
