If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
