he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
