I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
