I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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