They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
