come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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