She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
