I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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