Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
