don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
