I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
