I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize