A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My ass is underappreciated
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
