last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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