epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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