we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
