dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
