Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
