Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
