Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize