Where are you?
In a non slutty way
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
