There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
