Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
