I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
