I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
