So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
