if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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