she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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