She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
