why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
