Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
