Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
