Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
