I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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