dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
