Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
