my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
