I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
