He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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