I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize