Dual....:-)
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
