The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
