I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
