Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
