Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
please don't ironically join a cult
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