your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
