For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
