i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
