Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize