I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize