We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
