Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
