I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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