woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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