You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
