too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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