tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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