So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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