She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize