Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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