Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dicks are not precious.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
