half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
