She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
