Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We need to get me chipped asap
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
