I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
