I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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