Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
