just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
last night I used snow as a chaser
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
