Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
