dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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