I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
