I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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