I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
