the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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