just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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