did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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