you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
