She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
