Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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