He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
