If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
