You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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