Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
