i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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