who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
