Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
