my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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