I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
