I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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