I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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