im having a threesome with these popsicles
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
