Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
