i was born a porn star she said
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
