Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
