its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize