Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
