i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
