No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
