The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
