I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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