i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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