On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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